Xander 05
by mercva
Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age., to Genma Saotome. This is not entirely good.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

I have no idea why I'm getting all these ideas. Perhaps I'm subconsciously trying to avoid working on that *&%$ing DSP. 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. 

* * * 

Genma sat at the bar, depressed. He'd come to this foreign land in order for the boy to learn from the American Indians. Well, that was what he had said to the boy. In truth, Genma had learnt of the great wealth of the American government and was hoping that they wouldn't miss a few yen. 

It hadn't gone so well. His normal method of getting money fast didnt work -- usually, he'd have arranged a marriage between some chit and the boy, steal the dowry, then make for the next town. These gaijin didn't go in for arranged marriage, it seemed. And the Government was extremely fond of it's money, and didn't really feel like letting Genma borrow some. 

So here he was, drinking away the last of his money. 

"Stupid boy," he muttered, not quite sloshed enough for his English to deteriate. 

"Know what you mean," the man besides him said in mutual misery. "The boy's mother keeps taking him to those karate classes. That's drinking money she's using to pay for it. What's a six year old gonna do with a karate chop?" 

A possible solution to the problem of the Master glimmered in Genma's eyes. He'd first sound out the man. 

"I'm training my boy in martial arts," the fat man in the karate gi said. "We're just in America to learn some things, then we're going back to Japan. Or maybe to India." 

"You can have mine as well," the American man said. "I mean it." 

This was better than Genma had expected. "How about I train him, take him with me, he'll go back to you when he's sixteen?" 

Of course, he'd have handed him to the Master as a student of the Anything Goes Martial Arts by then as a scapegoat, but this American didn't need to know that. 

"Sure!," Tony Harris said. "Bobby, get us paper and pen! I'm making this official!" 

"Let's drink to it!," Genma said. 

Harris happily joined him, seeing a lot more beer money in the future. 

* * * 

"ANTONIO VINCENZO HARRIS, WHAT DID YOU SIGN?!," Jessica Harris, mother to Alexander Harris and wife to the aforementioned Tony screeched. 

The hung over man winced. "Hey, the boy comes back to us trained in the martial arts in ten years!" 

"Still..." 

"Think of the savings! Think of the career for Alex!," Tony pleaded. "A good sensei makes a lot of money, Genma said!" 

Jessica was being convinced. This sounded good. 

And her friend Jack D agreed. 

* * * 

"Xander, promise to come back?," Willow asked. She had just managed to get a hold of Xander before he left. 

"Sure," Xander said. "I'm gonna come back a powerful martial artist!" 

The little redheaded girl gave him a yellow crayon. "You have to come back to return that to me, now. I saw that in a movie, but with dog tags." 

Xander nodded solemnly, putting the crayon in his backpack. 

* * * 

"*I beat ya again!,*" Ranma said to his new friend. Pops had said that they were training the new boy as well. 

Ranma was better than him, but Xander was catching up fairly quickly. 

"*Will win next,*" Xander said slowly. Full immersion seemed to be working -- he was quickly picking up Japanese. 

"*Enough of this girlish chatter!,*" Genma said in his 'wise sensei' stance. "*Now, you are both learning a special technique today!*" 

"*What's that, pops?,*" Ranma asked eagerly, Xander nodding. 

"*The Neko-Ken for Ranma, and Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire for Xander.*" 

* * * 

Ten Long Years Pass. 

* * * 

The streets of Sunnydale felt the presence of a long gone person returning. He had left a puny boy, and was returning a powerful man. 

Well, not /entirely/ man, but no one knew. 

"I still say we shouldn't've ditched the panda," Ranma argued with Xander. Both were dressed in Chinese silks, Ranma in his black pants and red shirt and Xander in black pants and shirt. 

"You heard what he had planned for you," Xander said. "Ranko." 

"Hey! I ain't no girl!," Ranma protested. "T-chan." 

Xander's eyes narrowed. "Yeah? For all you know, Genma-sensei arranged a marriage with a boy. He didn't say that Mr Tendo had any girls." 

Ranma conceded the point. "Yeah, I wouldn't put it past the old man. Where'd you say your old man and mum lived?" 

"Here," Xander said. He knocked on the door, getting a fairly swift response. 

"Who're you?," the man asked, can of beer in hand. 

"I'm Xander," he said. "Don't you recognise me?" 

"Bugger off," Tony said, "and don't come back." 

The door slammed in his face. 

"I'm not camping out again," Ranma said. "I'm starting to feel like Ryouga." 

"Maybe Willow will let us stay at her place," Xander said. "I vaguely remember her, she was nice. Kinda like your U-chan." 

* * * 

Post-Fic Comments: 

Yeah, yet another plot bunny. 


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. Translations get put in curly braces after foreign speech if it's in the original foreign speech. 

* * * 

Xander knocked on the door. It was beginning to get dark, and he sure hoped his old friend Willow remembered him. He was getting sick of camping out -- his only consolation was that they didn't have to put up with Genma's snoring anymore. Ranma's father had only gotten worse since he'd started learning under him. 

A red haired woman answered the door, looking surprised. 

"Hi, can I help you?," she asked. 

"Um, yeah, I'm Xander," Xander said. "I'm one of Willow's friends, and was wondering if I could see her?" 

"She's at school at the moment, in the Library," the woman said. Xander remembered her as being Willow's mum. 

"Okay," Xander said. "Can we wait inside for her?" 

"I don't see why not," Willow's mum replied. 

"Thank you," Ranma said. 

* * * 

Willow didn't like walking home at night -- as well as burglars, thieves and other nasties, Sunnydale had supernatural nasties. So she was rather relieved when she got home -- until she saw that they had visitors. 

"Mum," she asked. "Who're the visitors?" 

"Old friend of yours," her mum replied. "Go and talk to them." 

"Uh, hi," Willow hesitantly said. 

The one in black silks got up, digging in his pack until he drew out a yellow crayon. 

"Hiya, Will, remember me? I had to leave ten years ago, but I promised to come back, and here I am!" 

"Xander!," Willow yelled, leaping across the room and enveloping Xander in a hug. "I've missed you! You've got to tell me where you've been, mister!" 

"Easy there, Will!," Xander laughed. "This is my friend Ranma. Ranma Saotome, this is Willow Rosenberg." 

Ranma bowed slightly. "It is good to meet you, Willow." 

"Hi!," Willow said, slightly giddy from meeting her best friend of ten years ago. "Story time now, Xander, unless you got into real bad trouble like crime trouble and don't want to tell me, which would be okay since you are still my best friend, and--" 

Xander raised a finger, quieting her. "Good to know you haven't changed." 

"We've been training in the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts," Ranma explained. 

"Strong as well as cute," the girl thought out loud. "I've got to introduce you to Buffy. Maybe you'll get her interested in the warm and breathing kinda guy." 

Xander gave Willow a weird look. "Warm and breathing? Will, have you been meeting strange men while I was away?" 

Realising that she had possibly given away something, Willow blushed. "Uh, I'm gonna sound crazy when I say this, but it's true. Vampires exist, and Buffy's a Slayer, with magical strength and speed." 

Xander and Ranma looked at each other. 

"That's a cheat's way," Ranma was the first to say. "True strength is earnt through training." 

"I agree," Xander said. 

"Well, there ain't anyone else killing vamps," Willow said, slightly defensive. 

"Are you three okay there?," Willow's mum asked, entering the room. "Willow, you can get tea for yourself tonight, because your father and I have a meeting." 

"Ano, Rosenberg-san, may Xander and I stay at your house tonight?," Ranma asked, reverting to Japanese forms at the start due to nervousness. 

"What's wrong with staying at your parent's place?," Willow asked. 

"Ahhh... my dad told me to bugger off," Xander said, rubbing the back of his head. "And I'm sick of camping out." 

"Sure you can stay," Willow's mum allowed. "Willow, you can prepare the guest room for your guests." 

* * * 

The next day found Willow getting up reluctantly at daybreak. She stumbled out of her room, still in her flannel pajama's, in search of whoever was making that awful racket. 

To her surprise, it was Xander and Ranma, fighting in the front yard. They were poetry in motion, jumping thirty feet in the air, throwing punches, trying to lock each other in throws... 

"Can't you guys keep it down?," she asked. "You are guests here." 

The two paused, looking sheepish. 

"Gomen," Ranma said. 

{Sorry} 

"It's just, we have to keep practising if we wanna be the best," Xander explained. 

"Where's Mum?," Willow asked out loud. "She should be the one telling you guys off." 

"I dunno," Xander said. "It's about time for breakfast, anyway." 

They found Mr and Mrs Rosenberg in the kitchen, eating breakfast. 

"Hi, Mum," Willow said. "Why aren't you telling Xander and Ranma off for waking people up so early?" 

Her mother looked at her. "Dear, it's good for you to be awake so early. Morning people learn best according to literature." 

"Oh," Willow said. When her mother started referring to psychological papers, she knew there was little chance of dissuading her. 

"Xander, Ranma, here's some toast," Mrs Rosenberg said, putting the toasted bread in front of the two boys. "The spreads are out on the table." 

"What's this?," Ranma asked, poking the strange stuff. It wasn't miso, and where was the tea? 

"It's toast," Xander explained to his friend. "I'll show you." 

As the two munched away on the toast once Xander showed Ranma how to spread peanut butter on it, Mr Rosenberg looked up from the paper. 

"Have you two boys enrolled at school yet?" 

"I don't need school," Ranma said with disdain. "What good is school to a martial artist?" 

"If you don't go," Mrs Rosenberg said, "you can find another place to stay." 

"I'd listen if I were you guys," Willow said. "My Mum means it when she's talking about school." 

"Great," Xander sighed. "At least we won't have to worry about getting the last bread of the day at an American school." 

* * * 


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. Translations get put in curly braces after foreign speech if it's in the original foreign speech. 

This fic is my 'fun' fic, to counterbalance Esoteric. 

* * * 

Xander looked blankly at the sheet in front of him, trying to figure it out. 

"Who the hell is this Franklin guy?," he wondered out loud. 

Willow elbowed him. "You don't know who Benjamin Franklin is?!" 

Xander shrugged. "If it ain't martial arts or food, Genma didn't teach us about it." 

Willow wasn't sure she believed this excuse. "What about school?" 

"Uhhhh...." 

Xander manfully tried to remember, then elbowed Ranma. 

"Mmmm... udon... ow! Nani des ka?!" 

"When was the last time we went to school?," Xander asked him. 

"With Ryouga. Have we finished class yet?" 

"No. Haven't you been paying any attention?," Willow asked the Japanese boy. She was beginning to believe they'd never gone to school. 

"What for?," Ranma asked, genuinely confused. "The best part of school is--" 

**RIIIING!!!*** 

"Lunch!," the two chorused, jumping out the nearest window with bags in hand. 

Willow sighed. 

* * * 

"Sounds like they could help," Buffy said. She, Willow and Giles were in the Library, as it was lunchtime. 

"I-I'm against civilians helping us," Giles said. 

"They can jump thirty feet straight up and smash boulders," Willow said. 

"Perhaps they could be of use," Giles allowed. 

"Wow! So they fight just as good as they look?," the Slayer asked. 

Willow nodded. 

"Well, you'd better go get them, because Cordelia and the Cordettes were talking about them." 

* * * 

"So we'll see you at the Bronze, then?," Cordelia asked Ranma. 

"Uh, I guess," Ranma said. "This pie stuff is good!" 

"Mmm!," Xander said. They'd had food donated to them by the Cordettes. "It's been too long since I had one of these." 

"You've been overseas?," Harmony asked. 

"Well, Japan mostly, although we were in China for a year," Ranma replied for Xander. 

"Oh my God!," Cordelia exclaimed. "I travelled to Japan once. What's China like?" 

"Full of people," Ranma said around the pie. He'd just about finished it, and was eating it slowly to enjoy it. 

The two boys finished their food at the same time, then got up. 

"Hey, do any of you know where Willow got to?," Xander asked. 

"Library," Cordelia said. 

"Uh, thanks," Xander replied. 

* * * 

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear," Giles said as the Library swing doors opened to reveal the two boys. 

"Hi, Xander, Ranma," Willow said. "This is Giles the Librarian, and this is Buffy Summers." 

"Uh, hi," Buffy said. Giles made a similar sound. 

"Nice to meet ya," Xander said. Ranma bowed slightly. 

"Buffy is the Slayer," Willow explained. 

"Ah, the cheating girl," Ranma said out loud, connecting her to Willow's explanation last night. 

"Who're you calling a cheat?," Buffy asked belligerantly. 

"All your strength and speed come from magic," Xander said. "Not from hard work and training. So you're a cheat." 

"Come here and I'll show you cheat!" 

Giles sighed. The Slayer was in fight mode -- he sincerely doubted he'd be able to dissuade her. 

"Willow, help me shift this table. There. You two can sort it out between yourselves." 

Buffy got up, leaving the stake on the table. The boy was only human, after all. 

"*Ranma, do you want to beat her, or should I?,*" Xander asked his friend. 

"*I'll do it,*" Ranma said. 

Ranma did the polite thing and bowed slightly to Buffy. Buffy did the pissed off American thing and charged him. 

Ranma effortlessly dodged the blonde's first punch, and subsequent attacks. A year of Slaying didn't stack up against ten years of training under a complete bastard who knew more about the skill than Giles had read books. 

"Fight me!," Buffy said. "Stop cheating!" 

"Hey!," Ranma protested. "I'm not cheating! I worked hard to get this skill! You just got some magic! /That's/ cheating!" 

"*Stop playing with her,*" Xander shouted out to Ranma. 

On Buffy's next kick, Ranma quickly threw the small girl onto the floor, then held her in a submission hold. 

"Do you submit?," Ranma asked. 

"No!," Buffy said, trying to move. Her face hurt, pushed against the Library floor! 

Ranma sighed, and pushed her shiatsu spot to knock her out. 

* * * 

Post-fic comments: 

When Buffy's in fight mode, the only part of her brain that's working is the smart-alec remarks part. She's the Akane figure, sorry. Deal. 


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. Translations get put in curly braces after foreign speech if it's in the original foreign speech. 

* * * 

"*WHERE AM I NOW?!?!" 

Xander sighed. "*Hear the call of the lonely Ryouga.*" 

"*Cool!,*" Ranma said, getting up and leaving Buffy on the Library floor. "*We haven't seen him since... uh...*" 

"Uh, guys?," Willow asked. "English?" 

"Sorry, Will," Xander apologised. "That's a friend of ours that shouted just before." 

"Yeah," the Japanese boy added. "Haven't seen 'im since we last went ta school." 

"Lovely," Giles dryly said. "Could someone go and get him before the Principal does?" 

"Sure," Ranma said. "Hold on a sec while I go look." 

"How long until, uh, Buffy wakes up?," the Watcher asked Willow's old friend. 

"Normal people, five minutes or so," Xander mused out loud. "But magical girl there might wake up faster." 

The Slayer woke up about then. She groaned, picking herself up off the floor slowly. Her head, arms, and legs all hurt. 

"What hit me?," she asked. "Cos I'm thinking we've got a new Big Bad." 

"That was Ranma," Ranma's friend cheerily replied. "He's gone off to get Ryouga, before he gets lost again." 

"Lost?" 

"He got lost trying to get from his house to the lot right by it." 

* * * 

Ryouga thought he was in America. Sure, the people spoke english, but the clincher was the cars. 

He couldn't be sure, though. A rising wisp of suspicion in his mind whispered that he was, in fact, in Paris. 

"*Hey, Ryouga!,*" a familiar, hated voice said. "*How ya goin'? Haven't seen ya since school!*" 

His head shot up. "RAAAAAANMAAAA!" 

He would die for humiliating Ryouga! And his little friend, too! 

* * * 

"Er, should they be making all that noise?," Willow asked. "Because that doesn't really sound like they're old friends, it sounds like they're mortal enemies, which is of the bad, because--" 

"Okay, Will," Xander grumbled. "We might not have been /best/ friends with Ryouga. But I always thought we were kinda friends. Friendly rivals, at least." 

The double doors to the Library were ripped off their hinges after Ranma darted through them, a stocky Japanese boy with a huge backpack and a yellow bandanna on his head stormed right after Ranma. 

"*I'm gonna crush your head like a walnut! How dare you run away from our fight!,*" the Japanese boy shouted. 

"I wish you'd all speak English," Buffy complained. "Because I know no Japanese." 

The two boys fighting paused, apologised to Buffy, then continued right on fighting. 

"It's your fault!," Ranma shot back. "I waited three days for you to turn up to your own challenge!" 

"And it was on the fourth day that I arrived!" 

"Uh, was this to the lot behind your house that Xander mentioned?," Willow asked. 

Xander nodded. 

"Are you special needs?," Buffy asked. 

"HEY!" 

"It ain't my fault if ya get lost so damn easily!," Ranma complained. "If this is over the bread, I can give you some more now!" 

"This isn't about the bread anymore!," Ryouga bellowed, smashing a table that Ranma was crouching on with a red umbrella weighing about a metric ton. 

"You didn't follow us to China, did you?," Xander asked, a horrible suspicion creeping up on him. 

"SHUT UP!," the Lost Boy yelled. 

"You cursed too?," Ranma asked. 

"Curse?," Giles asked. "Uh, what is the curse? I could look up a cure." 

Ryouga and Ranma immediately stopped fighting, and Giles found himself besieged by two Japanese boys and one American boy. 

"Can you really find a cure?," Ranma asked, eyes shining. 

"I deserve to be cured first!," complained the Lost Boy. 

"Jusenkyo," explained Xander. "We've been cursed at Jusenkyo." 

"I see," Giles said, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Uh, hold on while I look up the curse." 

"What's this curse?," the Slayer asked. 

"There ain't no curse!," Ranma said. "It's a lie!" 

"Sure it is, /Ranko/," Xander said. 

Ranma threw a glass of water that had been sitting on the counter in Xander's face. "Shaddup!" 

All present, minus the Japanese boys, blinked as a huge, five hundred pound tiger appeared where once a human being had been. 

"X-X-Xander?," Willow stuttered. Sure, she'd seen bug ladies and all kinds of things over the last year, but /this/??? 

The tiger growled slightly, giving Ranma an evil look. Ryouga looked distinctly nervous, for some reason. 

"Is, is that, uh, Xander?," Buffy asked. "Because this is not of the good." 

The tiger growled at length. "*This sure is of the good! I can do all kindsa things like this, and I can smell all kinds of things like this!*" 

Unfortunately, none of the humans understood Tiger, so Xander was only speaking to himself. 

"Well, that's Xander," Ryouga said. "What're you, Ranma?" 

Willow threw the next glass of water. 

Everyone blinked as a short, busty redhead appeared where Ranma had been standing. Her shirt was wet, showing off her... assets... rather well. 

Ryouga tried manfully to restrain his laughter, failing miserably. 

"SHADDUP! SHADDUP!," Ranma-chan yelled. "THIS IS A CURSE, DAMMIT! I'M A GUY!" 

Ryouga pointed at Ranma's chest. "Those say otherwise!" 

"You pig!," Buffy yelled, throwing another glass of water in Ryouga's face. 

The two girls blinked. A little piglet was trying to get out of Ryouga's clothes. 

"Uh, did I do that?," Buffy asked. 

"I don't think so," Willow said. "That curse?" 

The little piglet bwee'd at them with all it's piggy might. 

* * * 

Post-Fic Comments: 

I hope you enjoyed this :) I'm not sure at all what to do with Abyss or MI, so you'l have to settle for funnyfics. 


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. Translations get put in curly braces after foreign speech if it's in the original foreign speech. 

I'm forcing myself to write *something*, so please say if this was bad! 

* * * 

Xander groaned noisily and settled down on the floor for a long wait, orange and black striped tiger tail lashing furiously. The little black piglet looked distinctly nervous, hooves edging nervously to the side until Buffy picked it up and put it on the table. 

"Don't pick on him!," Buffy scolded. That Xander boy was with that Ranma, so he was probably no good too. Honestly, claiming she was a cheat for being a Slayer! 

Giles wandered out of his office, book open. His left hand was supporting the book, while his right was trailing down the page. "I've found a detailed entry on the Chinese Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo, everyone, and--" 

His voice cut off abruptly, as the horrified Brit spotted the pig on the table. "WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT SWINE DOING ON *MY* TABLE?!?!" 

Buffy picked Ryouga up, and hid him behind her back. "That what?" 

Giles put the book down on the table, hiding the blemishes created by the pig underneath it. He gave the porcine fighter a dark look before turning back to the pages, absently scratching Xander's tigerish head after he took a seat. 

Xander sighed, resigning himself to being decorative until he managed to get some hot water. 

"Can I get some hot water here?," Ranma asked grumpily. 

"Er, quite," Giles said. He was rapidly becoming inured to young woman hanging around him (Buffy and Willow), but female Ranma was in a different class of beauty. He passed his freshly made teapot to her. 

"*Finally,*" Ranma muttered in Japanese, pouring some of the water over his head, then the other two boys. 

"Chikuso!," Xander swore as he dove for his clothes. While his body changed shape with cold and hot water, his clothes did not and quite often fell off Xander-tiger. 

Ranma quietly sniggered to himself, while the two girls laughed quietly and took a good look at the two naked boys. 

Ryouga yanked on a pair of pants, then picked up his umbrella and pointed it at Ranma like a fencing foil, all the while still shirtless. "*For all you have made me suffer, I WILL have justice! I will crush your skull like an eggshell!*" 

"Excuse me!," Giles said sternly. "While I can understand your quandry with regards to keeping clothes on, you /will/ maintain a certain level of decency in this school!" 

The fanged Lost Boy, always polite, blushed and lowered the umbrella. 

"That's okay, we don't mind," Buffy said, staring at Ryouga. 

A jet of brilliant red blood spurted out of Ryouga's nose as a dopey grin grew on his face. He then fainted. 

"Stupid pervert," Xander muttered, tucking in his shirt and then knocking Ryouga out with a boot to the head. 

"What?," Willow asked. "How was that perverted, mister?" 

The two conscious boys exchanged a glance. A silent contest took place, which Xander lost. 

"Ah... you see," he stumbled. "He got a bloodrush to the head... it's just that his brain had directed it to the wrong head. Ryouga's got a few mental problems." 

"That's quite enough," Giles commanded peremptorily. "Do you wish to know about Jusenkyo or not?" 

"Sure," Xander said. "Do we havta do anything for you first?" 

Giles was sorely tempted to have them clean up the split hot water, and mop up the nasal blood. So he said that. 

"*Stupid pig-boy,*" Ranma muttered, taking the rag that Buffy handed him with a smirk. 

"I'm on that like white on hell," Xander said under his breath. 

* * * 

The two martial artists had decided to get out of school before that librarian had decided that they should have that meeting with the teachers they had been meant to speak with today about their classes. 

"*Hahaha! Did you see that cheater's face?,*" Ranma laughed. 

"*Yeah,*" Xander grinned. "*Funnier than sensei trying to do the 'wise old man' routine.*" 

"What have we here?," a voice asked from behind them. "Are you boys lost?" 

They turned around, to find a portly American man looking intently at them. After a moment of reflection, they remembered. 

He was the Principal. Crap. 

"Ano, we lost looking for crass," Ranma said, English skill degrading in a moment of utter panic. His pops got /real/ mad when the boys disobeyed him. 

"That's okay, son," Principal Flutie beamed. "I found it hard to get anywhere on my first day here, too! Where are you trying to go? I'll see you there." 

"Bio.. lo... gy," Xander read out. "We're kinda behind the eightball on the learning box." 

"Oh, yes," Flutie said. "You two are the exchange students. Well, I understand that your records aren't the best, but you'll find that here at Sunnydale High, we believe in fresh starts!" 

"Really?," Ranma asked. 

* * * 

Post-fic Comments: 

Xander and Ranma's English has a few holes in it. Genma has been raising them for the last decade. Spot the anime reference (somewhat subtle), and figure out where the heck this is continuity wise :D 


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. Translations get put in curly braces after foreign speech if it's in the original foreign speech. 

Go forth, my adoring hordes, and help me slay chromatic dragons who DARE to cast a halo of fear, scaring my level sixteen fighters! Stupid dragons. Except metallic dragons, they're cool. (Especially since they never notice me the Chaotic Evil character looting their hoards. The only problem then is selling to shopkeepers who don't /like/ evil characters.) 

* * * 

Ranma yawned. He had been bored stiff going to school when he was eight or so, and it was still boring as hell eight years later. 

"Mr Sa... o... tomy," the teacher yelled, "wake up! What is the answer?" 

"*Aaaaa!,*" Ranma yelled. "*Sixteen! Yamamoto! Sulphur!*" 

"Detention, Mr Saotome," the teacher said nastily. "The /answer/ is forty two." 

Ranma gave Xander a nasty look, and poked him in the side to wake him up. "Oi!" 

"Nani o?," Xander said muzzily. 

"*If I have to suffer through this, so do you!,*" Ranma hissed. 

"Suffer schmuffer, I'm sleepin'," Xander said, then went right back to sleep. 

A mournful hangdog expression set itself on Ranma's face as he noticed the teacher keeping an eye on him, meaning that he couldn't go back to sleep either. 

Pops was right, he decided. School was for the weak. 

Heck, he could be checking out American food if he wasn't stuck here! They didn't make Ryouga stay, did they? (Granted, they'd have to nail the Lost Boy's feet to the floor to make certain he didn't find himself in Sweden while trying to find the toilet.) 

* * * 

Willow's mouth opened and closed. She'd amiably let the two boys sit at the back of the room while she sat near the front, but here she came at the end of the day and what had happened?! 

Xander was snoring away, a little snotbubble growing and shrinking on one of his nostrils, while Ranma sat there like a little black stormcloud, resentful at the fact that /he/ couldn't go to sleep too. 

She sighed. "Who wants an icecream? My shout." 

She needed it, having to play peacekeeper for Buffy. 

"Yaaay!," Xander cheered, waking up seemingly by magic at the mention of icecream. 

"I could be interested," Ranma-kun hedged. 

Stoic, manly Japanese men do /not/ go nuts over icecream. No matter if it is sweet... and delicious... and wonderful... and... and... 

Ranma picked up a handy glass of water, pouring it over his head. 

"Yaaaay!," the short, buxom redhead cheered, now all in favour of icecream. Kawaii lil' Ranma-chan could go for icecream, on the other hand. 

Willow got the feeling that she had made a grave mistake just now. But she couldn't put her finger on what it was... 

* * * 

"Hello dear," Willow's Mum said as she walked in the door, the two boys right behind her. 

Willow's eyes lit up. She could hand over the problems! Her Mum would be able to deal with those two delinquents! 

"Xander and Ranma kept trying to sleep through class, Mum," Willow frowned. 

"/Really?/," the psychologist said disapprovingly. The two martial artists winced. "You'll be doing /all/ your homework tonight, boys. I won't have stupid people living under /my/ roof." 

"Okay," Ranma grumped. No matter if he had to do stupid work, it beat having to get a job to pay for food. "But first we got stuff to do." 

"Oh?," Sheila asked. 

The two ran outside, and began their kata, throwing punches and kicks at an invisible opponent. 

"Martial arts," Willow groaned. "I'm going upstairs, Mum." 

* * * 

The next day found a frazzled Willow being woken up early by the two newly resident martial artists. Again. She was getting sick of this. 

The redhead didn't bother brushing her hair or getting changed this morning. She shuffled downstairs in her pajamas and sat at the breakfast table morosely. 

"Awww, come on Willow-tree," her dad coaxed her. "It isn't all that bad... you just need to get to bed earlier, that's all." 

Willow exploded at this. "Those two sleep in class, they don't do their homework, they eat like starving horses, and they keep waking me up at oh dark hundred in the morning! I can't take much more of this!" 

The two parents exchanged a Look. 

"I'll have a talk with them," her father promised. "Okay, baby?" 

He gave her a hug. 

"Okay, daddy," Willow sniffled, over her tantrum. 

Ira walked outside to find the two fighting over his new pond. They kept jumping thirty feet in the air, exchanging blows and attempting throws, then landing and jumping at the other all over again. 

"Excuse me," he started. 

"Yeah, Mr Rosenberg?," Xander said politely, while hitting Ranma in the head. 

"Did you two do your homework last night?," he asked. 

"Sure we did!," Ranma said, kicking Xander in the ribs. "Uh, we did, right Xan?" 

The response from his training partner was lost as the American boy hit the surface of the pond, getting soaking wet. Ranma landed on the edge of the pond, balanced on one foot. 

Ira Rosenberg was lost for words as the former human changed into a two hundred pound tiger... right in front of his eyes... that wasn't possible... 

"Uh, did we forget to mention our curses?," Ranma laughed nervously. 

"But... but... but...," Ira repeated, like a broken lawnmower. 

Willow stomped out, still irate at the two lazy boys. "Did you break my dad, Ranma?" 

* * * 

Post-fic Comments: 

If Willow seems OOC,remember that she's known Buffy for awhile now, and hasn't seem Xander for a decade or so. 


	7. Chapter 7

Summary: Xander's pops flogs him off at a young age. 

Crossover: Ranma 1/2 

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You can prove nothing! 

Feedback: Rein of the Coalm 

Pre-fic Comments: 

As before, "* blah *" indicates foreign speech. Translations get put in curly braces after foreign speech if it's in the original foreign speech. 

I need extra strong tea... 

Has anyone in NZ got an old Corvette or Camaro they wanna junk? Seriously. I'd get off my duff and go for my Restricted if I had a car at all. 

* * * 

"No!," Ranma said defensively. "Xander did it!" 

The tiger rolled it's eyes. Sure, it seemed to say. Suuuure. 

"I'm sure there's a logical, scientific explanation for this," Mr Rosenberg said faintly. "I'm sure I saw something like this on Beyond 2000. Yes. I believe I'll go back to having breakfast." 

Ranma wandered after the older man, hands in his pockets. The grumbling Xander-tiger shook himself dry, then wandered after his friend. Willow reluctantly followed. 

"I-Ira," Sheila said quietly, "you do know that a /tiger/ followed you? Willow, dear, call the zoo would you?" 

"Daijoubu," Ranma said. "Xander picked up an ancient Chinese curse while we were training." 

Willow poured the hot boiling water over Xander, who scrambled for a blanket to cover himself. 

"Sorry about this," Xander said quietly. 

"Oh," Mrs Rosenberg said intelligently. "You'd better hope the tiger breeding programs don't hear about you, Xander." 

"We could just tell them about where he got the curse," Willow said, academic mind chewing over the idea. 

"Speaking of which," Mr Rosenberg began, having gained strength as Xander regained humanity, "where did you acquire this... curse?" 

"The Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo," Xander said. He put on a very bad imitation of bad Chinese-accented English. "Tragic story of tiger who drown nearly two thousand year ago." 

Ira's eyes grew steely. "There's no such thing as magic! This has to be a new form of physics, or chemistry, or something!" 

Xander and Ranma traded a look, then both shrugged. The man could be right -- they didn't know enough either way to say for sure. 

While they had not gone into complete denial, the two Rosenberg parents had somewhat repressed the incident almost ten minutes gone. Sheila brought over a few slices of toast. 

"Now," she said, "you two boys are to stay awake in class and pay attention, or else!" 

"Okay," Xander grumbled, while Ranma muttered something that could be construed as an affirmative. 

* * * 

Ranma stared blankly at the blackboard. 

He understood the English alphabet. He had a pretty good English vocabulary -- at least, he had /thought/ he did. He could understand each word the teacher had written down individually. 

It was just together that they made no sense at all. 

"Oi," he said, poking Willow. "What's a verb?" 

"Yeah," Xander said. "She might as well be talking into a black sun for all we understand." 

Willow looked at the two boys with pity. "You honestly don't know what verbs are?" 

Ranma scowled at the girl. He wasn't stupid! "Bakayarou! Stupid tomboy! The last time we went to school we were nine!" 

"Hey!," Willow protested. "I'm not a tomboy!" 

"Miss Rosenberg," Mrs Kerbopple said from the front, "are those two annoying you? Because I can move them if need be." 

"No," Willow said. "They're just way behind, because apparently they've missed years of school." 

The teacher chalked Willow's figure of 'years' up as hyperbole due to mental aggravation by the two over the last twenty four hours. The normally cheerful girl was somewhat frazzled at the moment. 

"I'm sure you could help them," she said. "Now, most people parse a question starting with 'don't' as 'do', which--" 

The teacher was interrupted as one of the walls to the room exploded, chunks of non-flaming rubble scattering all over hapless students. A most physically... blessed Chinese girl jumped through the hole, pointing a large mace at Xander. 

"You!," she commanded peremptorily. "Where girl Ranma?" 

"Who, hi--," Willow began before Ranma clapped a hand over her mouth. 

The Japanese youth laughed nervously. "Hehehe, there ain't no girl Ranma here, uh, so... yeah." 

The Chinese girl frowned cutely. "Shampoo must find girl Ranma and kill! Short, red hair, bigger chest than /her/, where she?" 

"Ain't no way I'm telling you if you're gonna kill hi-her," Xander said, catching himself on the last term. 

The Chinese Amazon tried to take his head off with a broad swing of one of her maces -- 'Bonbori', if Buffy remembered Giles' lessons. Xander casually leaned back so that the heavy metal wrecking ball missed him by a hairs-breadth. 

"No make fun of Shampoo!," the purple haired Chinese girl shrieked, going on the offensive immediately. "Tell me where girl Ranma is! Is matter of HONOUR!" 

The purple-head swung both maces in such a fashion that Xander would have been crushed, had he not nailed her between the eyes. The Amazon dropped like a stone. 

"You pig!," Buffy accused. "Hitting a girl is /so/ Neanderthal!" 

Ranma shrugged. "Hey, she wanted to kill someone." 

Xander picked up the girl. "Hey, anyone know where the infirmary is?" 

* * * 

Post-fic Comments: 

Yeah. I'm sure that everyone who knows the ramifications of the last action will fill in those who don't. 


End file.
